Ahhh.
today I am thankful for blogging(: or us having the expression to write our emotions.
expressing our emotions so they wont be so locked in until we burst and say things we never ment to say. i know many people won’t care of what i am feeling or thinking but i am going to let all my emotions out right now so stay with me for a minute. i bet you that you will get to know another side of me that you never knew.
i can’t take it anymore not much longer im waiting to crash and fail. i can’t wake up every day ready to take my steps when i know i am ready going to fall. i just can’t, so many problems in my life i know i don’t have them as worse as other people but i cant handle them. i keep thinking to myself that hold on tight things are going to get better but the truth is that they only seem to get worse. i feel like nothing ever matters and i feel like crying my eyes out but that ain’t going to help anything. i lost my one only best friend that i ever cared about so much that thought he was going to stay with me through the bad times.
Its messes me up because he use to be the i would talk to when my parents were with their arguments and things like that. when i had a bad day he was always there to brighten it. Now look at things today, he saying behind my back. he hate so much and i don’t even know why. Now he says that he doesnt want to talk to me and he said that he doesnt want me in his life because i’m drama and bs. Shouldnt i be the one mad? I mean, hearing so much bad things about me that he is saying. The bad thing that he did when we together? Shouldn’t I be saying ” you messed up and you ain’t worth being my friend”? I never said that or will say that to anybody because I am a fer giving person. No matter what happens with anymore things would be cool maybe not the same but at least I am still going to be there right?
Another thing about my life that keeps me on the ground is my parents. I hate everything, all the arguments I just can’t take it no more, I mean they stop then some how go back to that. They say they did it for me but the real reason was that my dad got jealous because my mom had moved on and she was out more and having fun. she deserved it but then he started to trip and told me to call my mom on Sundays taking me home when he knew she was out. I think another reason was because I was messing up to much like I didnt care about nothing like I wouldnt care about school or things like that. I really just have no idea but I wish things were back like they use to be in 2004.
Me and my dad aint like we use to be. We grown apart more and more as time goes by. It’s said because Ithink to my self when was the last time you gave your dad a hug? to me it’s been so long that i have no idea. I know that’s mean but I have my reasons it’s because he disappointed me yeah i for gave him but things arent the same. He let me down when I really needed him he wasnt to be found. he acts like a “father” but why did all of a sudden you started to care so much for me? I can’t let it go as much as i want to he hurt me. I can’t go back to being that daddy’s little girl. He made me cry because he wouldnt come back and now it’s to late 3 years I waited but now things aren’t NEVER going to be the same.
